Real World
by Obi the Kid
Summary: A Yappy Obi story. Qui-Gon has a reputation to maintain, right? That's where Obi-Wan steps in to show him the truth.


**TITLE:** Real World

**AUTHOR**: Obi the Kid

**RATING:** G

**CHARACTERS:** Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan

**SUMMARY:** A Yappy Obi story. Qui-Gon has a reputation to maintain, right? That's where Obi-Wan steps in to show him the truth.

**DEDICATION: **For all those Yappy Obi (YO) fans out there who are always demanding more of him.Thanks for having fun with the character. I never thought he'd end up with his very own groupies. He's fun to write, so I'm glad so many enjoy YO and his antics.

**DISCLAIMER:** The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story.

_**This is story is part of a challenge I made to myself. My goal, to take the 12 songs titles from the Matchbox Twenty album "Yourself or Someone Like You" and write a story that goes with each song title (these are NOT song fics). The stories will be called: Real World; Long Day; 3AM; Push; Girl Like That; Back to Good; Damn; Argue; Kody; Busted; Shame and Hang. They will be a mix of Jaythen based stories, Yappy Obi (YO) stories and Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan based stories. I hope you enjoy!**_

"Obi-Wan stop it! Stop talking. Stop demanding mush. Stop telling my business to the entire temple. I do have a reputation to maintain."

"No, you don't."

"I do, regardless of what you may think. I am dignified and strong and…"

"In the real world, Master, your reputation isn't so…um…well, let's just say that I've heard talk."

"Talk about what? From who?"

"From _whom_."

"Please don't make me kill you, Obi-Wan."

"You should get out more and see how people really feel about you, Master."

"What have you been telling people?"

"Nothing they don't already know."

"Which means you've been babbling."

"I have, but it's not that bad. Really. Just that your perceived world and the real one are a bit different."

"I perceive nothing. I know what I am."

"You should come with me one day and spy on other Jedi like I do. You'll hear all kinds of gossip. Like how Master Yoda practices in front of the mirror how to talk down to people. How Master Mace has a collection of hair pieces that he wears when he sleeps to protect his perfectly shiny bald head from pillow mites. Oh and Master Poof, he practices his mocking in the mirror every night until he mocks himself to sleep. And Chancellor Valium takes sleeping pills right before his meetings with the Council so he can pretend to be overworked and force the meetings to be short."

"Valorum."

"Huh?"

"It's Chancellor Valorum, not valium."

"Really, Master? Everything I just said and that's the tidbit you picked out?"

"Shut up, Obi-Wan. Tell me more."

"How can I shut up and still tell you more at the same time? That's not humanly possible. You ask what I cannot do, Master."

"You really do want to die today, don't you?"

"No, but if anyone is gonna kill me, I'd rather it be you than that Vader guy during our old man girly fight."

"I won't even humor you by asking what you mean by that."

"Probably for the best. It's just upsetting. And angsty. And if I tell you about it, I'll feel sad. Then I'll need mush and well, you know how that goes."

"That's nice. Tell me more now."

"You miss out on all this stuff because you're content with thinking you are what you think you are, instead of what others see you as. Real world stuff, Master. It makes sense. Don't look at me like that."

"I care not what others think of me."

"Liar."

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, you should at least know what they think even if you don't care."

"Fine. So tell me, my wise padawan, what do other Jedi think of me?"

"Master Mace thinks you're full of it. Master Yoda thinks you're too tall and he's jealous of your hair. Master Poofy knows you have thoughts of chopping his head off his neck when he mocks you. Master Medusa and her snakes think you have no control over me and think I should be pawned off on someone else. That one master that looks like a schnauzer, he thinks you make too many excuses about why you can't train me correctly. They all think that you need to lighten up and hug me once in a while."

"I have a hard time believing that last part."

"I don't."

"Anything else? What about non-council Jedi?"

"You want me to go there?"

"May as well."

"Master Carbo says you're cocky. Master Bribon said you need to stop eating bread because you're getting a little flabby around the middle. Master Vin-ja thinks you should stop acting like you are all that when you're not half of that. Master Ugna thinks you are a sexy beast and wants to have your baby. She's one of those progressive Jedi. Nasty if you ask me. Um, oh, Master El'sa, she thinks you're too old and grumpy to be training anymore. And Master Resser, he says you need to be brought down a notch. Oh and all the padawans think you are too tall and too scruffy looking."

"Who's scruffy looking?"

"I think that's about it."

"And what do they think of you, Padawan?"

"They all love and adore me and want to hug and adopt me."

"Sure they do."

"Okay, they all think I'm yappy and overly mushy and needy and annoying and that I eat too much sugar. Honestly, Master, I think I agree with them. The real world is a tough place. It's safer to just stay inside and imagine what others think of you."

"It appears to be. Doesn't matter though, it's what we really are that matters."

"Yup! I'm yappy and mush starved and you are proud, old, too tall and scruffy looking."

"Well, Obi-Wan, I think I can live with me as I am no matter what the real world thinks."

"Me too, Master! Although I sure wouldn't mind a hug from my proud, old, too tall and scruffy looking teacher."

"Alas, you will get none. I have a reputation to maintain you know."

"Master!"

_The End._


End file.
